Beauty and the Beast

This wins in the 'making you throw up in your mouth' category. Like, a lot. It will make you throw up in your mouth a LOT.



From the moment I saw her she captured my heart; her beauty, her warmth and her really shit clothes. I don't care if it's the 80's you're automatically banned from walking through patio doors all wistfully in a white dress with matching long cardigan that has SHOULDER COVERS. It looks like my great-granny's sofa arm covers. That she crocheted herself. At age 93. And now you're wearing ON YOURSELF. Whoops. People can actually see you. BACK THROUGH THOSE DOORS AND GET CHANGED OR COME THROUGH THEM LOOKING LESS SMUG. Those are your choices 'Katherine', deal with it.

And feel your heart break as she smiles knowingly to herself AT A DRAIN. Jesus woman, you're like 30? There's no suitable guys in New York so you have to start dating the hairy ones that live down sewers? I'm not judging, I could do with all the help I can get in that arena, what do you reckon the chances are of me finding one of those in the Portsmouth area? Uh Katherine... can you hear me? Or are you just going to go into a subpar Jackie Collins-esque monologue... Right. Ok. Fine.

... Although we can never be together we will never ever be apart. Except for when you are actually apart right? Apart from those times.

I did not know that this was Hellboy. Brain doctors, you're services are needed cos my mind has just been blown.

(I will never admit to anyone, no matter how much torture is inflicted, how much I used to love this show. I was a weirdly sincere kid for how cynical, bitter and sarcastic I actually turned out)