Suddenly Susan

You know how they renamed 'UKTV Gold' to 'Dave'? Cos it's for blokes that are salt of the earth and like women and fucking and fucking women and cars and Jeremy Clarkson and fucking Jeremy Clarkson? (That's a smaller, but sizeable subset, of their target demographic). Well I reckon they should rename 'Living' to 'Susan' or maybe 'The Susan Channel' or maybe 'Things that Women Named Susan Might Like and You Probably Will Too Even If You're Not Named Susan But Sort of Look and Act the Way a Woman Named Susan Might Do'. The last one might be a little difficult to get on the Sky Planner but if they shorten it to 'TTWNSMLYPWTEIYNNSBSOLATWWNSMD' then that's that problem sorted.

Why aren't I the controller of a mildly popular cable channel yet? Someone, somewhere is missing a trick not snapping me up.

Anyway, that's got shit all to do with shit. Except for the fact that whenever I hear the name 'Susan' now my ears are on red alert to confirm that's what they've decided to call 'Living' (it is only a matter of time).

The reason we are all here of course is because of Suddenly Susan (well, that's the reason I am here) which popped into my head because of Lost. Holy shit I love Season 5 of Lost. My main man Locke is kicking ASS as the undead. Locke has always been who the show is mainly about to my mind, the rest of them offer distraction and misdirection but it's always been 'The John Locke Experience' instead of 'Lost' as far as I'm concerned. And I also kind of fancy Frank the pilot without a beard (I won't tell anyone if you don't). But yeah, back to the point, it turns out it's true, Richard Alpert DOES NOT AGE. Even on mid-90's sitcoms he still looked the same and still had the eyeliner fetish (Richard Alpert, seriously, what is with the eyeliner? I like black eyeliner as much as the next Amy Winehouse fan but really though, truthfully, what is with the eyeliner? Or, should the question be, not WHERE is the eyeliner but WHEN is the eyeliner? The answer, to both, is 'around the eyes' and 'always, even in 1996' respectively). His real name is 'Nestor Carbonell' which I read as 'Nestor Carbuncle' which is a much better name I think you will all agree (particularly if you want to live as a guest star on The Mighty Boosh, and who doesn't, because I think a 'Nestor Carbuncle' would fit right in there).

Here are the titles:



If you hadn't already guessed it's about a race of giants who come to San Francisco and terrorise the inhabitants with their swishy mid-90's fashions and twirling. Oh the twirling. Does anyone twirl that much anymore (apart from these guys I mean)? I try and avoid it if I can, I have enough problems just walking in a straight line for the most part - add in a spontaneous twirl and you got troubs on your hands.

I did used to watch this. Aged 16 (when this first aired) I did not have a life (this has not changed much in the following ten years), I watched a LOT of tv but this in particular had my fandom due to the delectable, delicious, walking disaster area that is John Bender. I mean Judd Nelson. Swoon.

The show kinda lost it's swing after that kid topped himself and Judd left. Not that it had much swing to begin with but to lose the little it had made it considerably less enjoyable. Particularly when you could view the rest of the cast carrying the guilt around that one of their number had committed suicide and they'd not done anything to avert it (if you like making other people feel guilty suicide is a good option, only downside is that you're not around to enjoy it much). That kind of thing can put a damper on proceedings at any rate. Hey, I wonder what my boyfriend Judd is up to nowadays...

OH MY EYES!

How did this:


Become THIS:


Well, it would appear Judd Nelson is no longer my boyfriend, he is now your boyfriend and your boyfriend kind of looks like a homeless person that has been given the nickname 'The Professor' for his love of standing on street corner and shouting about how the end of the world is nigh (but uses words like 'imminently' when doing it, hence the clever nickname). I hope you are your boyfriend are very happy being crack-heads together. Me and my boyfriend are just peachy-keen.