Blossom

Everything I know I learned from Blossom.

Fact.

This has to be one of my top five tv title songs ever. It makes me purse my lips and do jazz hands when I'm by myself and singing it in my head. The only issue is that I close my eyes when I'm doing that so it's only a matter of time before someone walks in on me and catches me with my knees bent and butt sticking out shaking my hands in front of me and looking like a deformed Mick Jagger (if I don't post for a while then just assume I've been put away in some kind of secure mental facility after my shameful Blossom theme dance has been discovered). Please note: I do also sing it out loud quite often. It's very catchy. My next door neighbours get a rendition at least once a day when I sing it whilst making my dinner.

Anyway, here it is. It's awesome. Look at the HATS! (I'm buying a new hat this week. I wanna work a Mayim Bialik vibe and I don't care who knows it). GASP! at the modern jazz, MARVEL! at the sixties jive, LEARN! the hippy-hoppish thing she does with Six (and, as a bonus, get to be me aged 13), LOVE! the tap (and try not to do yourself a mischief kicking your leg up high like her if you copy that 'n all).

It's basically like watching me on a night out (although there's no robot-ing or running man so add that in and you're there).

Here we go... and remember, this is just my opinionation.

Josh Groban on the emmys

He nails the rap in Fresh Prince. NAILS it.

Note how there's nothing nowadays that even approaches the legendary status some of these title sequences have. It's a lost art I tells ya.

Matt Berry talks Title Sequences/ Freaks and Geeks

'A great example of something not working in any way at all is probably Hollyoaks. Which is ugly in all ways possible'

Amen sister.

Mr Berry (who happens to be on my 'ugly/sexy' list and I definately would given half a chance in case you were wondering) articulates, much better than I seem to be able to, the simple beauty and truth of a title sequence in how and why it is so important for setting the tone and the mood of the show. I guess maybe that's why the Hollyoaks titles are seemingly designed with the idea of making people's eyes start spontaneously bleeding... yeah, that actually makes sense.

Titles can't make a bad show better but they can make a good show seem worse, or, conversely, push it into greatness.

Now, given my love-affair with smart, sassy American based pop culture, Freaks and Geeks was always going to win my heart. This happens to be not just a good show but a great one from first to last. For those of you that it managed to pass by (which is, sadly, pretty much everyone) it was on around the 1999/2000 mark but set in the early 80's in a Detroit suburb. It was conceived and written by Mr -motherfuckin'-Pool (the 'motherfuckin' was pronounced as silence in the show itself) from Sabrina the Teenage Witch (yeah, I know right!) and was produced by Judd Apatow (who is so hot right now people have been known to achieve third-degree burns just by being in the same room as him). This show gave us our first glimpses of Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, Linda Cardellini as well as plenty of cameos from future legends like Jason Schwartzman, Lizzy Caplan (who played Janis Ian in Mean Girls and is possibly going to take over the world after co-starring in Cloverfield), Shia LeBouf (before his voice, and other things, dropped... neh neh neh *pinches imaginary Shia cheeks and makes pukering 'oh how cute' face like a long lost drunk aunty at a wedding*, David Krumholtz. Loads. I can't say enough good things about this show, but, save this turning into a 10,000 word dissertation on 'like dude, seriously, Freaks and Geeks was, like the best show EVA LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!1'
let's take a look at the titles seeing as that's why we're all here:



Firstly, please note the title music. It's so very rare that a kick-ass song gets used in such a kick-ass way.
Bear in mind the two things we need to set - TONE and MOOD. What does this song tell us from the opening bars? That's right, that this show is going to ROCK and ROCK HARD. I jest but not really, this is a fun, smart-slash-stupid, empowering song about not caring if you fit in with other people's expectations of who or what you should be. If the title of the show itself didn't tip you off then this will - all ye who are dispossessed and don't fit in? It's ok, we're here now. You're not alone anymore.

The beauty of these titles lies in their simplicity. All it is introducing us to all the main players. We are shown a make-shift photo studio, one that very possibly we recognise from our youth as being the site of school pictures - something that we may look back on and laugh but when originally handed to us two to three weeks later, just made us want to run away to the corner of the playing fields and weep gently. Maybe. Still, we know for a fact that photos are about to be taken and can assume that this is set in a high school, especially given the accompanying music. Simple, elegant, informative - all within the first 15 seconds the TONE and MOOD have been set.

Then, and here lie-eth the true genius, we meet everyone we need to know in turn whilst learning a little about their character and get to put names to faces AT THE SAME TIME. Simple, elegant, and can I get a... that's it my friends, INFORMATIVE. At this point I'd just like to mention that it's a testament to the caliber of the acting chops of each of the individuals assembled within this cast that they are able to express so much about their characters within a window of only three-to-five seconds.

We have Linda Cardellini up first looking like a self-aware, lovely, intelligent young woman (by the by if anyone fails to fall body-and-soul in love with her at this point then you my friend, are either a robot from the future or have fallen through the space-time continuum and are from a parallel universe that we over here in our 'verse like to call 'Bizarro-World'), then John Francis Daly geeking it up and geeking it up good. He's gauche yet adorable and likable (side note: FYI for any cougars out there, having seen him make an appearance in an episode of Clark and Michael this is one ugly duckling that grew into a beautiful piece of hot burnin' man love). Then James Franco swaggers into frame looking for all the world like he thinks he's Cock of the Walk. This is obviously the 'cute one', the one we're meant to fall for. Whether a stoner grin and a quick exit will convince the audience remains their choice. I suspect most people who watched this show wouldn't be won over so easily. Sam Levine is next emitting Jewishness from every pore. His smile lets us know that this is the geek joker of the pack. I like him. (I am him). Then it's the turn of the angry young Seth Rogen. God I love him hard. He hates the world, and you, and himself, and doesn't give a fuck if you know it. That's my kind of man baby. After that, Jason Segel bounces in practically in stink-o-vision. I can smell the pot from here. See his smile? See his eyes shifting about like he's not quite sure where he is? S-T-O-N-E-R. I should know. But look, he's all cute and puppyish and playful. He's obviously a good guy. Finally, Martin Starr - King of the Geeks lumbers in. Never has a name been more apt, this dude is a comedy legend (if you've seen Knocked Up he's the one the makes the bet about not shaving his beard for a year to get his rent paid if it means the others can rip the piss as much as they want). I love him because he does look like a proper geek. He doesn't look like a cute-dude-playing-geek. He's just really really geeky. And doesn't care. Rock on say I.

The end shot is of all their photos succinctly summing up who these people are and what their life outlook is. All in all, this is how title sequences should be done. Observe, study, learn. Now go out into the world and make tv shows with title sequences of a similar standard. You owe it us and, most importantly, yourselves.

Diff'rent Strokes

Right, here we are then. First 'proper' entry and I didn't even write it but BIG UPS to my main man Paddington's Shadow for this...


"I used to watch this show when I was younger thinking it was the coolest thing on the planet. I mean the title uses an apostrophe to replace the ‘e’. How cool can you get?

It all begins with an opening shot of New York letting you know just where all this madness happens. Then it goes a bit odd. It cuts to a posh car cruising through a run down street. The viewer can’t help but think that the driver of this car is only here either to score crack or pick up a lady of the night.

Now you get to see bad ass Drummond donning a beige suit and looking very business like and aloof. He’s gazing out of the window but what at? It’s at some ‘straight outta Brooklyn kids’ shooting some hoops. But of course, what other sports do the ghetto kids of America play? Well, you ain’t gonna be seeing them playing Lacrosse. You then see the two brothers introducing some fine skills by combining together to get a basket. The big one picks up the little one who throws it, and even though his throw is rubbish (it’s downwards). The next scene you see it going to the basket. They high five each other and it all looks very cute. But wait. The little one notices something and pulls his brother with him as he scampers off scene.

You then find out that Drummond was only here to pick up his two black kids and they run into his car. It’s almost like don’t worry kids I’m here to save you from this ghetto and take you away come with me. So next you see the posh car leaving the place and heading into the main part of the city. You see all three at the back (who’s driving the car?) where the littlest one, Gary Coleman, points at something in front of him. The car pulls up and Gary and his brother get out. Gary looks amazed as he looks up, and what is it he’s looking at? Well it’s the massive 80 storey block of penthouses. And then it ends in a rather creepy way with Drummond walking the two boys into the entrance, into his dungeon no doubt.

The title sequences pretty much describes the whole story in a nutshell, rich man takes two black boys who live in a run down area to a rich new life. However there’s massive gaps as to how they got to this situation leaving the viewer confused and relying on the facts which is that an old rich guy went to the ‘hood’ and bought two young black boys. Sounds a bit dodgy."


Many thanks to Paddington's Shadow for the excellent start he's given us for, what one hopes, will be many entries that delves deep into the psyche of the Title Sequence. (Also, FYI, do check out his blog as it has a big (metaphorical) golden stamp of Sazz approval).

If anyone else has any title sequences they want to discuss in an open forum then email me and I'll post them

Welcome one and all to the Television Title Sequence Appreciation Society!

Do you like television?

Do you like titles?

Do you like sequences?

Or are you fairly ambivalent about those things as separate entities yet find, when combined, they are enthralling and exciting?

Yeah, I know, me too. In fact I adore television title sequences. I watch them with morbid fascination. It's a bit of a dying art these days, a lot of shows will just, literally, show the titles. This, to me, is proof that studios are now starting to understand the delicate art involved in making title sequences that work. The whole enterprise of the titles buisness is to encapsulate the spirit of the show, make you understand the premise and all the idiosynchrasies that the show represents whilst engaging you for the 30 seconds or so that it takes to tell you the names of the actors and that. A simple enough task and yet one which is rarely done with much aplomb. There are a few shining examples out there which do get it right (and over the coming weeks I will introduce you to them) just as there are some that just get it horribly, abysmally, wrong (and again, get ready to learn all about those) . The ones in between? There's too many to count and these are the greatest enemy of the Title Sequence connoisseur. We will be sure to rally and rail against these over the coming weeks as well.

And then probably go and have a nice cup of tea.

The history of this project can be found here and here. Be sure to read these to baptise yourself into what this really will all be about, especially as I would like this to be a free-for-all, so if there's a particular title sequence that makes you want to punch holes in walls and claw your eyes out in disgust, or indeed makes you weep with joy, then don't feel like you have to hide it anymore. Send an email to sarah_mulholland@hotmail.co.uk with the youtube clip of the titles in question, a little description of the show itself and your thoughts/feelings on how well or how terribly the titles do their job and I will share your thoughts with the world (i.e. me and around about seven other people, four of whom I know in real life and only read this out of a sense of obligation to me).

We've got an important job to do here people: Keeping the spirit of great title sequences alive. Let's snap to it.